Friday, January 31, 2014

Being A Cyborg Is GREAT, Says Sponsored News Post For "Robocop"

Wouldn't YOU want to be a cyborg...just like Robocop?

That's the premise of a "science news" post sponsored by (you guessed it) the upcoming "Robocop" remake movie. The article plays up nothing but the "benefits" of having one's body infiltrated/replaced by various technologies...regardless of the fact that the original "Robocop" movie had the exact opposite message!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Love For GMOs: The Food Politics Of "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2"

The warming glow of the GMO

They call them "Foodimals": veggies and other foodstuffs which have been mutated, enlarged, and given really adorable features and personalities. The critters essentially steal the show in "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2"...their very existence threatened by New Agey transhumanist celeb inventor Chester V.

Will Flint Lockwood and his gang of friends be able to save the foodimals in time? And is Chester one of those goddamn elitist vegetarian hipsters who are trying to take our Big Macs and Big Gulps away?

Friday, December 20, 2013

"Demon" Photobombs Wedding Anniversary Picture

Joe Martinez credits the image of a "demon" photobombing the 50th anniversary of his in-laws with turning him to God.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

For Harold Camping, The World Finally Ended

I know way more about Harold Camping, the recently deceased radio evangelist, than I probably should. He's best known for a couple of failed doomsday prophecies, the most recent being on May 21, 2011 (Apocalypto Part One, The Rapture) and October 21 of that same year (Apocalypto Part Two, Electric Boogaloo).

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The Countess Who Had Drilled A Hole In Her Head

In the early 1970s, 23-year-old Amanda Feilding drilled a hole in her skull with a dentist's electric drill, wearing a tight pair of close-fitting glasses so the blood wouldn't get into her eyes. She then bandaged herself up and went out to a restaurant to have a steak.

It's called trepanning — the ancient practice of drilling a hole in the skull to give the brain more oxygen. In a more metaphysical sense, advocates of trepanation see the eventual fusing of the bones at the top of the skull in adults to be a closing-off of vital energy, creativity, and spirituality – something that the boring of a new hole in the cranium will fix. As such, trapanning is seen as another method of mind-expansion along the lines of LSD and so on.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Eat The Poor: The Problem With Soylent

"You can preach compassion, equality, and be the biggest lover in the world, but there is an area of town for degenerates and an area of town for the working class. There is nothing positive gained from having them so close to us. It's a burden and a liability having them so close to us. Believe me, if they added the smallest iota of value I'd consider thinking different, but the crazy toothless lady who kicks everyone that gets too close to her cardboard box hasn't made anyone's life better in a while."
                           --Silicon Valley "Whiz Kid" Greg Gopman, from a now-deleted Facebook post

"It's people. Soylent Green is made out of people. They're making our food out of people. Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them!"
                           --"Soylent Green," 1972

I ignored the story about "wonder food" Soylent for a while, quickly glancing at it on my news feeds and assuming it was some sort of Onion parody. I just couldn't believe somebody would have the stones to name their product after the 1973 science-fiction movie about society's "undesirables" being ground up and turned into edible green wafers.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

"God Told Me To": Mandela Interpreter Claims Angelic Communication

"Touched" By An Angel

Tell me if you've heard this one before.

A person in close proximity to U.S. political figures suddenly goes crazy on live TV and claims to be contacted by divine forces.

This is what happened at a recent memorial service in South Africa for Nelson Mandela, when a sign-language interpreter—only three feet away from President Obama—apparently lost his marbles, making the same "nonsense" hand gestures over and over again: